A recent conversation of how young kids grow up with notions of looks and importance of it really made me write this post. Look around you and you'll find so many such occurrences in our daily life - messages/jokes which emphasize what is the state of the husband when he doesn't admire the beauty of his wife, how deadly a situation it is to answer a woman's question of 'how do I look' , guys giving tips to bachelors / young boys on how not to fall into the trap etc ... we laugh it off but the fact is it has far reaching effects on generations to come.
Biology is where it all stems from - in all species one gender tries to woo the other to select a mate - all using different tactics. But we as humans have evolved way beyond that - given you could get attracted to good looks but would you select a mate based on it ? Then why don't we give up this craze and notion of a female to look beautiful and flaunt her youth. Looks is what we are born with, there is nothing extra a good looking female has to her credit than to be darn lucky, but it definitely doesn't mean those who weren't so lucky don't deserve better.
Right from childhood a girl looks up to her mum dressing up, applying tons of make up, getting beauty treatments and concludes that a woman is supposed to be this - an object to be looked at. Compare that to her father who carries his looks (however they are) the way they are, is casual with his dressing and concludes that a man is supposed to be this - carefree and self accepting while also giving him the liberty of evaluating women by their looks. Further strengthening the concept, a girl plays with dolls - plastic figures that are size 0 and dressed to the T , I have seen toy make up kits in hands of girls as young as 1, see any dance performance and you see parents dabbing chemicals on the kids faces to make them look pretty on stage - give them a break, they need to understand they are lovely and beautiful just as they are, we accept them and love them unconditionally and that they don't need to resort to cheap tactics to attract someone.
Yes there are occasions like a wedding in the house where people put in extra effort to look good but it for both genders I believe. Men dress up so do women and there is no harm for such one off cases - but when it spills into day to day life is where the concerns starts to build. Even in daily activities, there is a difference in being smart and presentable vs going over the top. Men shave , gel their hair, wear chic or appropriate office attire and there is no harm in women who put in effort to be elegant too - but the buck needs to stop there. Looks can not influence merit based decisions.
The grey strands of your hair don't matter much but the gray matter in your head does ! So a sign of ageing should be considered a virtue -as I age I am going to get wrinkles, lose hair, gain weight, not fit into those elegant dresses, not feel or look young anymore but it makes me more mature and worldly wise and these superficial things cease to matter.
The next time we are tempted to tell a girl ' you look pretty ' lets tell her ' you are pretty brilliant ' or ' you are pretty awesome ' on an act of her's and see a new generation being born. After all - beautiful is that beautiful does !!
Biology is where it all stems from - in all species one gender tries to woo the other to select a mate - all using different tactics. But we as humans have evolved way beyond that - given you could get attracted to good looks but would you select a mate based on it ? Then why don't we give up this craze and notion of a female to look beautiful and flaunt her youth. Looks is what we are born with, there is nothing extra a good looking female has to her credit than to be darn lucky, but it definitely doesn't mean those who weren't so lucky don't deserve better.
Right from childhood a girl looks up to her mum dressing up, applying tons of make up, getting beauty treatments and concludes that a woman is supposed to be this - an object to be looked at. Compare that to her father who carries his looks (however they are) the way they are, is casual with his dressing and concludes that a man is supposed to be this - carefree and self accepting while also giving him the liberty of evaluating women by their looks. Further strengthening the concept, a girl plays with dolls - plastic figures that are size 0 and dressed to the T , I have seen toy make up kits in hands of girls as young as 1, see any dance performance and you see parents dabbing chemicals on the kids faces to make them look pretty on stage - give them a break, they need to understand they are lovely and beautiful just as they are, we accept them and love them unconditionally and that they don't need to resort to cheap tactics to attract someone.
Yes there are occasions like a wedding in the house where people put in extra effort to look good but it for both genders I believe. Men dress up so do women and there is no harm for such one off cases - but when it spills into day to day life is where the concerns starts to build. Even in daily activities, there is a difference in being smart and presentable vs going over the top. Men shave , gel their hair, wear chic or appropriate office attire and there is no harm in women who put in effort to be elegant too - but the buck needs to stop there. Looks can not influence merit based decisions.
The grey strands of your hair don't matter much but the gray matter in your head does ! So a sign of ageing should be considered a virtue -as I age I am going to get wrinkles, lose hair, gain weight, not fit into those elegant dresses, not feel or look young anymore but it makes me more mature and worldly wise and these superficial things cease to matter.
The next time we are tempted to tell a girl ' you look pretty ' lets tell her ' you are pretty brilliant ' or ' you are pretty awesome ' on an act of her's and see a new generation being born. After all - beautiful is that beautiful does !!
