We all talk about the good and positive things in life and turn a blind eye to the ugly side of it. Everyone on FB is having a gala time, a blissful life, travelling to exotic locations and living a carefree life. But reality is far from the rosy pictures we like or the elusive 'happily ever after' story we are chasing. And because we have never openly talked about our downsides, we can't handle ourselves when life hits hard.
I won't hide under generalized terms but state what has been the biggest hurdle for me to cope up with - depression. Yes we all face it from time to time, its the extent and frequency of it that really matters. It took me years of adolescence to decipher what depression actually is and then followed a lot of reading , browsing , introspecting and making core changes in myself to be able to better handle it. Then I suffered from postpartum depression which lasted a long while to the extent it turned me into a gloomy person with low self esteem and self confidence. At times chemical imbalances play havoc with my mental state and I get occasional bouts of depression till my levels are stabilized. Through all these times, I just keep to myself with crying sessions in the bathroom but put up a brave (fake) front on.
Medicine as advanced as it today can not treat a person holistically - we always separate the mind from the body and behave as if one is unaffected by the other. We have sophisticated tools and technology but it can't detect stress leave aside measure it. Stress and depression are not labelled as diseases and not given the importance it needs to which why people suffer in bathrooms and closets or make hushed visits to psychiatrists / psychologists.
I have read quite a few books and listened to experts talk on depression - but its all talk and no walk ( it doesn't gel with me, let's say ). We can not set a threshold on what's acceptable to be stressed / depressed about. A breakup for a teenager could be as depressing as an adult losing his spouse. A business failure for a person might be as tough to cope up with as fighting cancer. The biggest mistake we make is to judge a person suffering through these hard times. Then the next one is 'oh I have been through tough times too - blah blah blah'. Well your life and your situations might be very different, we are not living a coded script which works exactly the same all the time. And the shitty quotes and sayings are the last thing to say. Imagine a person losing everything ( his house , family , business etc ) in say an earthquake and you go and tell him ''its always darkest before dawn" or "everything happens for the best" or "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" etc - what purpose do these quotes solve ? According to me they are useless - fancy words which make you feel good when you are sane but don't work when you really need it.
The magic potion which will always helps a person in distress is a listening ear - hear the person describe what feelings are running through their minds, their fears , their disappointments , their worries. Talking and sharing at times takes off the burden and is truly consoling. Be soothing and assuring in your support. All we need is support - someone who can console, an assurance that they will be there even if everything doesn't turn out okay. We all need a safety blanket of being accepted at our most vulnerable phases.
In order to be able to provide comfort and aid a person come out of bad times, we need to be vigilant and as simply put : stay in touch. If I hardly talk to a friend say twice a year and during a conversation she asks me 'how are you' , do you think I'll burst out with all my problems ? If I am close enough to a person, I don't need to ask 'how are you' , I can see,understand and conclude myself. Artificial talk like artificial intelligence is for robots not humans with emotions.
We also underestimate the power of laughter - its truly the best medicine and stress buster ever invented. A smile can bring people together and its the most beautiful makeup you can have on your face. A hearty laugh can break the ice and regular doses of it can do wonders to your mental health. I can vouch for it myself. Instead of reading books on serious topics or listening to coaches / expert talk I prefer to watch stand up comedy. Doing it on a regular basis has healed me time and again. I have tried to include witty innocuous talks in my day to day life too - a one liner can break the monotony and be uplifting.
There is a wonderful Hindi song from the '50s which I adore :
Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisar (If you can bring a smile to some one's face)
Kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar (If you can share some one's burden)
Kisi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaar ( If you can love some one (unconditionally) )
Jeena isi ka naam hai (This is the essence of living )
I won't hide under generalized terms but state what has been the biggest hurdle for me to cope up with - depression. Yes we all face it from time to time, its the extent and frequency of it that really matters. It took me years of adolescence to decipher what depression actually is and then followed a lot of reading , browsing , introspecting and making core changes in myself to be able to better handle it. Then I suffered from postpartum depression which lasted a long while to the extent it turned me into a gloomy person with low self esteem and self confidence. At times chemical imbalances play havoc with my mental state and I get occasional bouts of depression till my levels are stabilized. Through all these times, I just keep to myself with crying sessions in the bathroom but put up a brave (fake) front on.
Medicine as advanced as it today can not treat a person holistically - we always separate the mind from the body and behave as if one is unaffected by the other. We have sophisticated tools and technology but it can't detect stress leave aside measure it. Stress and depression are not labelled as diseases and not given the importance it needs to which why people suffer in bathrooms and closets or make hushed visits to psychiatrists / psychologists.
I have read quite a few books and listened to experts talk on depression - but its all talk and no walk ( it doesn't gel with me, let's say ). We can not set a threshold on what's acceptable to be stressed / depressed about. A breakup for a teenager could be as depressing as an adult losing his spouse. A business failure for a person might be as tough to cope up with as fighting cancer. The biggest mistake we make is to judge a person suffering through these hard times. Then the next one is 'oh I have been through tough times too - blah blah blah'. Well your life and your situations might be very different, we are not living a coded script which works exactly the same all the time. And the shitty quotes and sayings are the last thing to say. Imagine a person losing everything ( his house , family , business etc ) in say an earthquake and you go and tell him ''its always darkest before dawn" or "everything happens for the best" or "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going" etc - what purpose do these quotes solve ? According to me they are useless - fancy words which make you feel good when you are sane but don't work when you really need it.
The magic potion which will always helps a person in distress is a listening ear - hear the person describe what feelings are running through their minds, their fears , their disappointments , their worries. Talking and sharing at times takes off the burden and is truly consoling. Be soothing and assuring in your support. All we need is support - someone who can console, an assurance that they will be there even if everything doesn't turn out okay. We all need a safety blanket of being accepted at our most vulnerable phases.
In order to be able to provide comfort and aid a person come out of bad times, we need to be vigilant and as simply put : stay in touch. If I hardly talk to a friend say twice a year and during a conversation she asks me 'how are you' , do you think I'll burst out with all my problems ? If I am close enough to a person, I don't need to ask 'how are you' , I can see,understand and conclude myself. Artificial talk like artificial intelligence is for robots not humans with emotions.
We also underestimate the power of laughter - its truly the best medicine and stress buster ever invented. A smile can bring people together and its the most beautiful makeup you can have on your face. A hearty laugh can break the ice and regular doses of it can do wonders to your mental health. I can vouch for it myself. Instead of reading books on serious topics or listening to coaches / expert talk I prefer to watch stand up comedy. Doing it on a regular basis has healed me time and again. I have tried to include witty innocuous talks in my day to day life too - a one liner can break the monotony and be uplifting.
There is a wonderful Hindi song from the '50s which I adore :
Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisar (If you can bring a smile to some one's face)
Kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar (If you can share some one's burden)
Kisi ke waaste ho tere dil mein pyaar ( If you can love some one (unconditionally) )
Jeena isi ka naam hai (This is the essence of living )
