When I started my career I was all pumped up at making a mark - my ambition was to be a CEO of a MNC ( no less ). I was on a career roll working on the best of projects, at some of the top companies in the world and getting recognition and acknowledgement for all the hard work I put in. When I resumed after a hiatus, it was different - all I wanted to do was a good job, work with honesty and integrity, that's all. The dreams and ambitions were forgotten and down the drain. So I did work hard but ensured I balanced my life too - weekends were completely off work and devoted to family or a completely different domain ( photography, planning trips, watching movies , reading books etc ). Sometime around this time last year, life took a U turn and I was back to working with a zeal. The last twelve months saw me devote day and night including weekends to working hard, whole heartedly and without being told - the only difference was this time I was working to see some one else's dream come true. It was completely my decision and never was anything forced upon but I was so much dedicated that a Sunday didn't feel any different than a Monday from my thought process. So much so that I spent the most crucial days ( according to my family ) of the year - Diwali and New year, working most of the day and hardly spending it with my brother and sister-in-law who were visiting us all the way from India.
A recent innocuous conversation brought me back to reality of where I stand - devalued and reduced to a 'resource'. I was not angry or disappointed at the other person but with myself - after all no one had told me to go out of my way in the first place. So gradually I am trying to claw back and return to the balanced life I so earnestly long. Earlier I was very perseverant with my ideas, raising it time and again, pushing for change relentlessly - now I just provide my inputs and leave it at that. Those who value my knowledge and experience can benefit from it, those that don't - I am sorry, I am tired of defending my stance and clearing suspicions on dependability and authenticity.
And the same is translating into my personal life too - earlier I used to clear misunderstandings and work at resolving differences. Now I don't want to indulge in heated conversations I just want a 'no drama' life. Spend my time wisely - either learning something new or reading up stuff or just watching stand up comedy and having a good laugh. For a change I am feeling at peace with less talk and keeping to myself. Maybe that's what is called maturity and I am finally beginning to unravel it !!!
A recent innocuous conversation brought me back to reality of where I stand - devalued and reduced to a 'resource'. I was not angry or disappointed at the other person but with myself - after all no one had told me to go out of my way in the first place. So gradually I am trying to claw back and return to the balanced life I so earnestly long. Earlier I was very perseverant with my ideas, raising it time and again, pushing for change relentlessly - now I just provide my inputs and leave it at that. Those who value my knowledge and experience can benefit from it, those that don't - I am sorry, I am tired of defending my stance and clearing suspicions on dependability and authenticity.
And the same is translating into my personal life too - earlier I used to clear misunderstandings and work at resolving differences. Now I don't want to indulge in heated conversations I just want a 'no drama' life. Spend my time wisely - either learning something new or reading up stuff or just watching stand up comedy and having a good laugh. For a change I am feeling at peace with less talk and keeping to myself. Maybe that's what is called maturity and I am finally beginning to unravel it !!!
